I write this for all new moms, to take you to the world that you are going to enter or maybe you are already in. As you prepare to welcome your little bundle of joy, you will come across the lines- 'It takes a village to raise tiny humans' and that's where you look to your moms, for their wisdom and their love. It is something that is expected of them and is also a matter of greatest pleasure and honor for them to be able to take care of a baby of their own baby and we as a new mother can only trust our moms to know the best when it comes to taking care of our baby other than us. However, the increased support does intrude into your space and every little thing becomes a matter of "mother's ego", where each woman in her own right has the best of interest for the baby.
Let's start with the nesting phase where you are preparing the things you will need for the baby. You being a 20th century mom with access to endless information on the internet will get the latest of everything for your child while the grandmoms (though no less tech savvy) will use their age old wisdoms and probably prepare triangle nappies from the softest bedsheet/saree for your baby. You can protest you will not use them but they will still make them and maybe insist you use them. A word of advise for the mom-to-be, would be to not pick these battles, let your mom's prepare for the baby in their own way (with babies you never know what works), keep discussing what you are planning and hear them out on what they did and how they did it. Some of the things I found myself using a lot of are cloth nappies in the initial days. During the time they are awake, it helps air the baby's bum and gives them mobility to move their legs around, but don't forget the dry sheets underneath the baby to avoid piling up the laundry. I opted for the newer nappy design by babyhug over the triangle nappies. I also tried cloth diapering but it didn't work out as well as I expected it to, however if you are as enthused about it as I was, please reach out, I can share my highs and lows of using them. Diapers are a lifesaver but our parents raised us on triangle nappies, so a big kudos to them!
We were raised with very different standards and therefore, another important thing to discuss and mutually align on with the grandmoms is what not to feed the baby in the first few weeks after birth.
honey - it has bacteria that the baby's body cannot digest. It can be given after one year.
cow's milk - although it is closest to mother's milk it is not recommended until after 6 months.
sugar water - it does not help with either hydration or with calories, baby should be given formula or breast milk only.
Again do your research on the above. Our parents have raised us on the above and we are all okay so that's a hard argument to beat, see what works for you. When you deliver normally typically breast milk will come in immediately and you won't have to worry about supplementing the baby, but if you deliver via a c section be prepared to have your breast milk come in after 3-4 days. In such cases, its a good idea to check with the hospital what and how do they feed the baby in the days/hours immediately after birth. Typically the hospital will take care of it and give your baby formula milk from a bottle. Once you are home in 2-3 days and the milk has still not come in then you can try feeding the baby formula with a spoon so as not to cause nipple confusion and meanwhile keep trying to latch the baby to breast or do skin to skin with baby to help your milk come in. Do your research on the formula you'd want your baby to have.
Having a baby is hard stuff, you are doing divine things by creating and birthing life. When I got intense labour pains, I told myself that my mortal body handling this much divinity is what - 'with great power comes great pain' (modified to suit me), must look like. As a first time mom know what to expect in both normal and c section delivery. There is sometimes a stigma associated with c section delivery, I imposed it on myself too. Here I was desperately trying and wanting a normal delivery but my body was not contracting in the way it should, the midwives assisting me at the hospital shared with me that they had delivered their kids via a c section too. They helped me understand that the baby being healthy is the most important thing over how the baby was delivered. I thought if midwives, whose job is to deliver a baby normally, delivered via c section then it's not something that I am doing wrong or it's not something I can understand and do, ultimately it's what your situation is medically and thus, you should trust your doctor to make the right call. Having a vaginal birth is also extremely hard but know that your body is made for it and you can do it and there is no harm in taking epidural if you want to help yourself manage the pain. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about any discomforts you are facing. Post delivery you should okay all emotions, mainly the negative ones, know that it is a negative emotion and find a safe person ( husband is the best choice, but friends come a close second) to share it with telling them not to judge you but just hear you out. I had my share of it and that's how I dealt with it. Post partum depression is real and if you feel the hints of it don't panic, acknowledge it and try to talk about it.
Now mommy listen up - breastfeeding is hard and especially so in the first two weeks. Your nipples are going to be sore because you will not be able to get your baby to latch correctly initially which will cause them to hurt alot. Understand and correct yourself, the baby is too tiny to know what is correct latch and what is not so if anyone says to you -'your baby is not latching properly' control the burst of anger you feel towards that person for judging a tiny baby and use YouTube to learn how to help your baby to latch correctly. You as a first time mom also need to learn how to put your breasts into a baby's mouth , so it's a learning thing more for you and then for you to teach your baby. The pain of having a new born suckle on your sore nipples is like your life is being sucked out, but keep at it. Breastfeeding is good for the baby and the mamma, it helps baby get the best nutrition and mom burn calories. I don't know what are the causes due to which some mom's don't produce enough milk and eventually choose formula, but if not for low milk supply but the pain, which is making you think of going for formula I would say "persist", because the pain goes away in 10 days. Apply ointments to ease the soreness typically after a feed and clean before next feed. Do hot and cold compress to ease with engorgement and pain, use wet hankies that works better than pads. Keep bringing the baby to breast because even though it is painful, getting baby to latch correctly only comes with practice and if baby is able to suckle that will help with engorgement too. Lastly try and relax, as breastfeeding needs happy hormones to let down your milk. It's easier said than done, but keep talking to your baby in a sweet voice, don't force baby to take the breast, once baby is happy and you are not stressed try again. The song 'new soul' by yael naim helped me calm down and connect with my baby and eventually led to us starting our breastfeeding journey.
If you are breastfeeding then read on for a few more tips to help in your journey.
Drinking water and eating right cannot be stressed enough. Don't worry about weight loss/gain in the first month. Establish your milk production and eat all that your mom or mom in law give you. If no one is giving you anything ensure you are eating lots of almonds, walnuts and other dry fruits, by lots I mean eating 5-6 almonds every 8 hours. Usually ladoos are made full of these dry fruits so gobble them up ladies it will give a boost to your babies health.
In case you find breastfeeding uncomfortable because it exposes your body so much then try the double T-shirt method. Don't invest in maternity bras, they are a sham, instead invest in tank tops and crop tops.
Try out different feeding positions which are comfortable for you and baby. Side lying feeding works like a charm at night.
Join FB groups where you can read and share about your problems and experiences. Breastfeeding support for indian mother's is an excellent page, highly recommend.
Once you are back home and get to know more about your baby, there will be small little things that only you as a mamma will know and notice and hence
You will increasingly become the person everyone comes to when the baby cries. A crying baby can cause a lot of panic in most adults, specially for you as the mom, who is probably taking a minute for herself. Here is how it usually plays out - someone is playing with the baby and the baby starts crying, baby is handed over to mamma to feed the baby and the mother is caught totally unaware because a crying baby is not necessarily a hungry baby. So you are holding your crying baby and trying to nurse, usually that fixes it but sometimes it doesn't, it could be that baby needs a diaper change or has some discomfort or pain in tummy, or just needs a change of scenery and position, possibly wants to be rocked or hugged, in the time you take to figure out what's needed there will be someone, who upon hearing the baby's cries will come to help (or not) by asking the most unanswerable question - ' what happened? Why is the baby crying?' I would get very ticked by this because if only the baby could talk and tell us what had happened, but I chose to respond calmly by saying all that I have tried and all that I am going to but if someone beats you to what you haven't tried it might hurt your momma ego a little bit, that why didn't you think of that before someone else. Don't take it personally add it your database as a possible first thing to check and move on. As a mother you will feel like you know the best for your child and you will most of the times but it's not a problem if you are sometimes not right and someone else is. Growing a child is a learning curve, lean in to ask for help when you need.
The initial few weeks after the delivery are a bit tough, as you are dependent on others for small things like going to the bathroom and even when you can go to the bathroom on your own you still need someone around to hold the baby for you while you go pee in peace. The feeling of dependence is not fun and it can feel like this will be my whole life but before you go down that rabbit hole, pause and take a deep breath, it's not going the last. Come 'week 6' post partum and you will feel pretty much like yourself with the baby feeling more like a side kick than a villian who has completely taken over your life. Motherhood can feel pretty lonely too, when you feel like it reach out and connect with friends and family, if only over a call initially, ask for your husband to support you when you need to connect socially. I am here to connect if you ever want to talk :)
There is never enough information you can gather or learn about motherhood, but here is where all I want to share ends for the purpose of brevity. Hope you have a safe delivery and find some useful tips from this post !!
Comments